Just Asking…(How do you know when you’ve met “Mr. Right”?)

What do women want in a man… not any man, but “Mr. Right”? The answer to this question is as varied as the stars ricocheting through the midnight sky. It appears that women have their own ideas about “Mr. Right,” depending on the stage of life they are encountering.


On a whole, women have a tendency to romanticize their “Mr. Right.” They have visualized him to be tall, dark and handsome, having the ability to discern their every need and/or desire before it is spoken. They believe “Mr. Right” will take them away from the drudgeries of life and provide a haven that will be filled with constant romance. They dream of how “Mr. Right” will be sensitive to all their needs and will constantly arrange romantic interludes to keep the relationship healthy. Many women in this category feel that love is the crucial element and love will automatically take care of all the other issues that arise in the relationship. “When I find ‘Mr. Right,’ I will…” is a phrase used often by the woman who romanticizes her would-be husband. When touched with a dose of reality, she becomes embittered, discovering that “Mr. Right” is a human being who has positive, as well as negative qualities. When a woman places the plight of her happiness in the hands of a “Mr. Right,” it is an unfair expectation of any man and a burden too heavy for any human being to carry.


On the other end of the spectrum, you have a category of women who describe “Mr. Right” as a man who will provide them with security and/or prestige. Even though the majority of these women prefer love coupled with security and prestige, the “Mr. Not-So-Right Love Bug” has bitten some of them, and they decided that love can take a back seat to security or status. Many use this adage, “The first time, I married for love; this time, I’m marrying for money.” Women in this category readily admit that they are looking for a “Mr. Right” who is ambitious and powerful. The weight of a man’s wallet is criteria for moving forward in a relationship. Others in this category reported that they’ve always lived a life of comfort, and their “Mr. Right” has to provide a lifestyle compatible to or above their status. When questioned in depth, many of these women shared that they preferred to have someone who is already established rather than having to work together with a “Mr. Right” to meet their goals of security and prestige.


When considering the above, there’s no wonder so many women desiring a “Mr. Right” end up with a “Mr. Not-So-Right.” As statistics reveal, over one-half of the marriages end in divorce, and many who remain in marriages, see their marriages as hallmarks of convenience. Knowing this, there are some red flags to indicate that a woman is going about seeking a “Mr. Right” in the wrong way.


The first mistake women make is trying to change themselves in order to impress “Mr. Right.” Instead of feeling comfortable with themselves or making changes for self-improvement, they feel they have to look, act, talk and live differently in order to get the man of their dreams. Many times, women deny who they are in order to entice “Mr. Right.” They may be able to continue this façade for a short time, but eventually, the true self emerges. Secondly, some women try to use sex appeal to reel in “Mr. Right.” When this is used as the major bait, it is often discovered that a more tasty bait will distract that “Mr. Right,” and the woman is left holding an empty hook. Thirdly, some women set mental images in their minds of the perfect “Mr. Right” – a man with no flaws. They pass over many good men looking for the perfect one, thereby, ending up frustrated and stating that all men are rotten.


So what is the answer to this dilemma? What secrets do happily married women share about finding their “Mr. Right”? One answer outweighed the others. It was profound, yet simple. They advised women to become the person they wanted to attract. If they desired someone  honest, they must be honest. If they desired someone family-oriented, they must be family-oriented. If they wanted someone spiritual, they must be spiritual.


Happily married women also shared that they allowed individuals in their sphere of influence to evaluate their “Mr. Right” before making a commitment to him. They shared that there is wisdom in counsel and many eyes can see what two eyes may miss. Lastly, many happily married women shared that they relied on their spiritual source for guidance. They reported that when they had a healthy spiritual life, they were more likely to choose a “Mr. Right.” Happily married women also shared one caution for those desiring a “Mr. Right.” DON’T BE IN A HURRY! They seem to think that time, open and honest dialogue, counsel and spiritual guidance help weed out the wrong “Mr. Rights” from the true “Mr. Right.”


Amazingly, happily married women’s “Mr. Rights” come in different shades, shapes and sizes. However, the qualities are usually the same: honesty, integrity, positive self-worth, spiritual insight, affectionate, faithful, good provider, good listener, family-oriented and open to change. They have realized that their “Mr. Rights” aren’t perfect people, but they are perfect for them.


So, if you are in the market for a “Mr. Right,” take the advice of women who are married and loving the man of their dreams. First, become the best you can be. Secondly, live life to the fullest. Finally, keep your eyes opened. If you do these things, you may eventually become a happily married woman giving counsel to other women who are desiring their “Mr. Rights.”


Books by Levon


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